The week where 'Giving it all to the Lord so I don't have to take responsibility for the outcome' became a reality...

Ok...yeah, that title is ridiculously long, but it is more than pertinent to where I am professionally and spiritually.

Our new Pastor, Mel, has truly been a gift from God. A true servant. A more Godly man than I can put into words. Approachable. Has quite the sense of humor. Yet presents the Word of God in such a way that I literally lose track of time....and lose track of myself in God's grace and mercy.

I have been reminded in these last weeks of hearing God's Word that I am truly nothing without Him. As many times as I've tried to bear my own burdens and failed, one would think, by now, I would have learned to plant them firmly at Jesus' feet and let Him take care of them. Yet sometimes, I forget and feel as if I know what's best for me....and worrying somehow seems to be the perfect response....and I need to be in complete control of my own life....

The Lord is using Pastor Mel and his precious Word to begin the refining process. You see, gold will never be perfect or beautiful until it is refined in the fire. The fire removes all of the impurities....causing the precious metal to shine in brilliance, reflecting the image of the person who is doing the refining. My spirit is like that gold.....it needs to be refined. All of the impurities of life....the worry, the regret, the guilt, the frustration, the insecurity, the busyness, and whatever else may be blocking that perfect, pure, love-relationship with God, must be burned out. And once that process is complete...what is left is a perfect reflection of Jesus....My Savior and Lord.

That's what I want. I want whoever looks at me to see Him. I want whoever talks with me to hear the voice of Jesus.

This last week, in our faculty meeting, our Principal discussed several things to us...One of which was the fact that, with two new middle schools opening, more than half of our staff would be displaced and transferred to another school. This transfer process is based solely on seniority, which I knew. And because I am a brand new teacher, I have no rights, so to speak. I knew that, as well. But for some reason, hearing it Thursday afternoon....and facing the reality that I may have to start all over again next school year, in different school, with different co-workers, made me want to cry full-blown Snoopy tears right there in Faculty meeting.

But on the way home, I was reminded of what Pastor Mel told us...."When I don't give everything over to God, I am taking responsibility for its outcome." Ouch! Had I really messed up already? Yeah, I guess I had. By worrying over my placement for next school year, I was essentially telling God He had no idea what He was doing and clearly did not need to be in control of my life.

That reality, and the sinfulness in my thinking, is causing tears to well up in my eyes as I type this.

This refining process is going to be painful. But in order to be more like Jesus, He has to have His way with me. And that means giving up myself and giving Him free reign to do and to act according to His will. This is not going to be an easy road, but I am taking comfort in the fact that God will never allow the intensity of the refining to exceed my ability to bear it.

I am claiming Zechariah 13:9, Malachi 3:2-4, and Psalm 66 today.