Ummm, what?

So, here I sit. It's February 2, 2010 and it's been over a year since my last post. And in looking back at my past posts, losing track of time seems to be a trend.

It is what it is.

But let me bring you up to speed: I am an 8th grade Special Education teacher at a great middle school here in Georgia. I get to Co-teach Science and Math and I get to teach two small group math classes. I absolutely love what I do and consider myself blessed beyond measure. In May, I will be completing my teacher certification program and will be considered 'Clear and Renewable.' And just to confirm how crazy I really am, I am enrolling at another University to earn my Specialist in Education degree. The thought is overwhelming, but the program looks incredible. We'll see if the Lord opens that door.

The children are just as busy as I. Daniel is now in High School, a member of the marching band and plays a mean french horn. Trey is in 8th grade, plays the saxophone and the piano, and has discovered that having a girlfriend is a pretty cool thing.

Joshua is in 7th grade, plays percussion and a whole lot of video games. Julia is learning to play the oboe....and every 'role' in the book. Quite the drama queen, that girl!

One of the most exciting things about being the mom of my children is getting to watch my boys play every Sunday in our church orchestra. Being among adults has brought a sense of maturity and 'family' to my boys that I am forever grateful for. The Celebration Orchestra welcomed my boys and they have found a place of ministry, using their gifts of music to bring glory to God. It is wonderful!

I doubt I'll continue to post regularly. Life is just getting away from me and it's hard to sit down and focus on one thing at a time.

"She is so cruel......."

These are the words that came from the mouth of my precious 6th grade son. The sharpest of my children. He's emotional. Strong-willed. Romantic. Whose spirit is being compromised and nearly broken by a teacher he cannot relate to.

It's been a tough 6th grade year for him....as it should be. For a time.

6th grade is difficult. No longer do teachers allow homework to be turned in several weeks late...and not take points off. No longer do teachers stand over the kids....imploring them to get their work done. And give them full credit. No longer do teachers send multiple notices home about events, meetings and opportunities.

No. 6th grade is when students are thrown into the pool and expected to swim. Right away.

Granted, they give the kids some grace at the beginning of the year. Reinforcing good behavior and training them on middle school procedures and expectations. But after a week or so....that's it. They are on their own.

Very little grace. Very little lee-way. And no emotion. And my sweet Joshua is having a hard time with this. We have had several emotional moments this school year. Tears. Pleading to be taken out of her class. Off the team. And out of the school. He wants out. And he can hardly think about anything else.

Of course, he needs to learn responsibility. But that's not what I'm referring to. I'm talking about a lady who doesn't offer a lot of positive feedback. Who doesn't seem very caring.

Last night, it all came out again. The hurt. The anguish. The frustration. The tears. And all I could do was sit and watch. There was nothing I could do for him, but listen. And tell him we were praying. And love him.

He wants to switch schools so badly, he can't stand it. He wants to go with me each day. And while I really have no fundamental problem with that, I want to make sure we are making that choice (should we choose to make it) for the right reasons. I don't want to reinforce to Josh that it's acceptable to run from a situation....just because we're uncomfortable. Sometimes, God wants us to endure such trials, so we are more focused on Him. To refine us. To challenge us in our faith. To teach us to rely fully on Him.

But it grieves me to know he is so unhappy. To hear him say his teacher is 'cruel.' That's a very harsh word. (And I have no doubt Josh knows exactly what that words means). To be miserable going to school. To feel as if he has no freedom in his own skin. To have no proverbial 'wriggle' room.

So, we're praying about this. We want the Lord to be glorified.

We want to be clear in what He wants us to do.

The week where 'Giving it all to the Lord so I don't have to take responsibility for the outcome' became a reality...

Ok...yeah, that title is ridiculously long, but it is more than pertinent to where I am professionally and spiritually.

Our new Pastor, Mel, has truly been a gift from God. A true servant. A more Godly man than I can put into words. Approachable. Has quite the sense of humor. Yet presents the Word of God in such a way that I literally lose track of time....and lose track of myself in God's grace and mercy.

I have been reminded in these last weeks of hearing God's Word that I am truly nothing without Him. As many times as I've tried to bear my own burdens and failed, one would think, by now, I would have learned to plant them firmly at Jesus' feet and let Him take care of them. Yet sometimes, I forget and feel as if I know what's best for me....and worrying somehow seems to be the perfect response....and I need to be in complete control of my own life....

The Lord is using Pastor Mel and his precious Word to begin the refining process. You see, gold will never be perfect or beautiful until it is refined in the fire. The fire removes all of the impurities....causing the precious metal to shine in brilliance, reflecting the image of the person who is doing the refining. My spirit is like that gold.....it needs to be refined. All of the impurities of life....the worry, the regret, the guilt, the frustration, the insecurity, the busyness, and whatever else may be blocking that perfect, pure, love-relationship with God, must be burned out. And once that process is complete...what is left is a perfect reflection of Jesus....My Savior and Lord.

That's what I want. I want whoever looks at me to see Him. I want whoever talks with me to hear the voice of Jesus.

This last week, in our faculty meeting, our Principal discussed several things to us...One of which was the fact that, with two new middle schools opening, more than half of our staff would be displaced and transferred to another school. This transfer process is based solely on seniority, which I knew. And because I am a brand new teacher, I have no rights, so to speak. I knew that, as well. But for some reason, hearing it Thursday afternoon....and facing the reality that I may have to start all over again next school year, in different school, with different co-workers, made me want to cry full-blown Snoopy tears right there in Faculty meeting.

But on the way home, I was reminded of what Pastor Mel told us...."When I don't give everything over to God, I am taking responsibility for its outcome." Ouch! Had I really messed up already? Yeah, I guess I had. By worrying over my placement for next school year, I was essentially telling God He had no idea what He was doing and clearly did not need to be in control of my life.

That reality, and the sinfulness in my thinking, is causing tears to well up in my eyes as I type this.

This refining process is going to be painful. But in order to be more like Jesus, He has to have His way with me. And that means giving up myself and giving Him free reign to do and to act according to His will. This is not going to be an easy road, but I am taking comfort in the fact that God will never allow the intensity of the refining to exceed my ability to bear it.

I am claiming Zechariah 13:9, Malachi 3:2-4, and Psalm 66 today.

Not even sure where to begin...

Here I am....

Sitting at my computer, with the Rays/Red Sox game on the Tube. Trey lying on my bed watching the game and Daniel walking around with the books he checked out of the public library. Julia is watching TV somewhere. Joe and Josh are on the computer playing. My house is comfortable. My home is blessed beyond measure....God is good.

I checked out the date of my last blog entry. July 25. A very long time ago, but yet, only seems like last week. The time, these days, seems to fly by at such a rapid pace, I can barely keep up.

This school year has had its share of ups and downs, both personally and professionally. My children, while now doing well, began the year with a few bumps in the road. My students at school seemed to start the year well and have now decided they don't want to submit to authority and are making bad decisions on a regular basis. All of this keeps me in a running conversation with my Lord. I thank God every day for the ability to just talk to Him. I don't need an appointment. I don't have to worry about His availability. I don't have to worry about whether I'm bugging him with stupid stuff. He just wants to spend time with me. And it's precious.

Now, here we are at October 11. A little more than halfway through my second semester as a student at UGA and exactly halfway into my first semester as a teacher.

Tomorrow is October 12 and it's a very special day for me. You see, on this day 40 years ago, my parents professed their love for one another, promising to stand by each other until death do they part.....and they've kept their covenant with God.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your love. For your commitment to each other. And for being the greatest parents in the world. Happy Anniversary!

I wish I could say I will try to keep this blog going, but unfortunately, our lives make it very difficult. We'll see.

I just gotta tell how cool the Lord is......

First, let me say....I apologize for the lack of posts lately. Ever since taking the Middle School teaching position, I've been thrust into seminars and new teacher training. (By the way, I'm not mentioning the name of the school or the county in which it is located, for privacy reasons......)

But suffice it to say, God is awesome!!!

Ever since I accepted the position, I have felt peace. Peace, like no other. I have not had a single hesitation about my decision to teach at this particular middle school....even though it is a 22 mile drive, with gas prices the way they are. Even though it is not the same county my children attend school. Even though we will be on slightly different academic calendars.

Peace.

But, just for good measure, the Lord has given me confirmation that the decision I made has matched His Will.

Besides the fact that one of my Sunday School friends teaches at this school.....

Last week, I attended a two day co-teaching seminar, to familiarize myself with what co-teaching looks like. It was very interesting. And one of my co-teachers was there. She and I met...and hit it off immediately. Her name is Michelle and she is cute, young and energetic. In her second year of teaching. And absolutely loves kids. During one of the breaks, we went in to see the Counselor. She wanted to get a copy of the team roster of kids. The Counselor handed her the list of kids names and Michelle said..."Great, now I can begin praying for them."

Wow.

Eight little words opened a huge door of conversation for us. We were able to spend a good portion of our breaks over those two days talking about the Lord.....understanding His Will....and being a life witness to the kids we are charged with. It was incredible.

And this last week, I've spent every day with all of the other 'new' teachers at our school, getting to know them...and being 'inducted' into the County. It's been a great week. Several times this week, we've talked about prayer...and being in God's Will. Open and easy conversation. Thank you, Lord.

And now today. Today, we were at our school for our own orientation in our facility. All of the Special Ed. teachers got together for an impromptu meeting with our Department Chair and Lead Support Teacher. We chatted. They shared. They encouraged. It was a very relaxing and comforting meeting. I feel very at ease with my role at the school. Now, that doesn't mean issues won't come up. Of course they will. But to begin on such a solid foundation is such a blessing.

Now, I'm on Facebook...and have been able to hook up with some of my new teacher friends at school. One of which is my Special Ed. Department Head. Most of us ladies put our maiden names into our profile so our high school and college friends can find us. I saw the maiden name of my Department Head.....She just so happens to be the Aunt of one of my favorite teenagers, Jacob. Jacob's older brother is dating one of my favorite college students....Katye.

I will be teaching alongside several people who are professing Believers in Christ! It is almost unfathomable to me.

God really is THAT cool.

Always learning...

The Lord has taught me so many things...

How to love those that aren't the most lovable...

How to be patient when patience is the last thing on my mind...

How to be quiet so I can really listen to what others are saying...

How to be productive, when I really don't want to be...

How to be strong with strength that is not my own...

How to have faith, when all I want to do is ask questions...

And I question a lot of things. I'm not the most trusting person in the world. I can be cynical. Pessimistic (according to my dear husband, but I call it realistic). And cautious. I'm not in to adventures and I don't like surprises.

But trying to find a job this summer has been hard. I've been frustrated. Down. Insecure. I've been hopeful. Vigilant. Prayerful. I feel I've been ready for whatever would come my way.

But nothing prepared me for what has happened this week. I had an interview at a middle school in a neighboring county on Monday. I had heard many nice things about this particular school, its administration and faculty. But because I have no teaching experience, I wasn't very optimistic I would even be granted an interview, so when the interview was scheduled, I was excited, yet guarded.

Guarded. That's a great word to describe my emotions. Don't get too excited. Don't get too downhearted. Guarded. That's me.

I walked into the Principal's office, shook his hand and was introduced to two teachers who would be interviewing me as well. And as the Lord would have it, one of the them is the wife of one of Trey's teachers last year.

Small world. So, we had that common thread right off the bat.

The interview went well...from what little vantage point I have. I was comfortable. At ease. And calm. My heart was racing for a time, but quickly returned to a normal state. I realized I had nothing to lose. I would answer whatever questions they asked to the best of my ability and the rest was up to the Lord. Whatever happened would be His will. Not mine.

For 45 minutes we talked, then I was given a tour of the building by one of the secretaries. Large school. Over crowded. 52 modular units. Wow.

After the tour, I was invited back into his office where I was quickly and immediately offered the position of Special Education Collaborative Teacher, specializing in Language Arts.

Um, I'm sorry. Would you please repeat that?

I was stunned. Some friends told me Principals offer jobs on the spot, but I never thought I would actually experience it. Wow. God is amazing!!

I signed my statement of acceptance letter this morning and will be attending the Teacher Induction Program next week. Pre-planning begins the week after.

What once seemed like forever away, is now.

What once seemed like a snail's pace, is suddenly a thrill ride like no other.

Now I get to sit here and realize God had this all worked out to begin with. And I wasn't patient enough to enjoy His glory. I wasn't quiet enough to listen to His voice.

But God doesn't care about that.

His grace is amazing. And all He ever wanted to do was bless me.

And He has.

Home...

What a wonderful word.

Home.

I love my home. My bed. My shower. My towels. I loved seeing my family and friends in Oklahoma. I loved being part of the Mission Trip...it was fantastic. But what I really love is coming home.

We got in around 9: 45 last night to two dogs who couldn't be happier to see us and to three cats who needed a minute to digest the commotion of six people in the house, but then followed us everywhere we went once they realized we were back. Oliver, our gray tabby, wouldn't let us go to bed either. He ended up with us all night, just being close and purring the entire time.

The drive was long, but good. No real issues, except two boys....Trey and Josh...who got to giggling about something in the back seat while Joe was trying to sleep. It's hard to keep four kids quiet in an SUV.

We had such a great trip to Texas and Oklahoma. Seeing family was so nice. Mom and I did some shopping. Joe and Dad played golf. We ate some great food. And the kids played the whole time. We got to spend time with Joe's mom and sister and Julia and our niece Keiryn were close to inseparable. We saw a Triple-A baseball game, two Major League baseball games and two great fireworks shows. A family friend let us use his pool. And I was able to keep up with schoolwork.

Last Sunday, we made our way to Tulsa for the Mission Trip to Tulsa International Baptist Church. What a blessing this church family is. Sweet, sweet people.

Every day of Kids Club was a different day of showing the community how God reigns. And our children...all 19 of them...dramatized the Bible stories, did puppets and helped lead the music. It was precious. The first day, 22 children from the church and community came. And every day, the numbers grew. 29, the second day. 32, the third. And 36, I think....on Thursday. God is so good. Marna and Mimi shared the ABC's of becoming a Christian on Thursday and Kim led the discussion on salvation bracelets and what each bead symbolized as the children made them.

The men began the restoration of a storage building and Tommy built the playground equipment. Several ladies helped with food for the team and snacks and recreation during Kids Club. And I got to help with music.

In the car on the way back to the house Thursday night, Joe and I told the kids that this was going to be a priority every summer...and they were thrilled. We made some great friends. Got to know some people better. And the children made some precious memories.

Now, we're home. And there's no rest for the weary. Unpacking. A little bit of laundry. A lot of housework. Schoolwork. A wedding today. And back to church tomorrow. Being away from my church family for two weeks is hard, too, so I'm looking forward to worshipping in the morning.

Oh, and I have two job interviews on Monday.....(Yikes!!)

Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow!