Shock and awe...

I'm speechless. Literally. Maybe I'm dreaming. Maybe I'm not. But one thing's for sure......God is AWESOME!!! Of course, that's not exactly a Fox News Alert, but that's the only explanation I can come up with at this point.

Last month I blogged about taking the teacher certification exam in Special Education General Curriculum. I mentioned that the test was crazy hard and that I had little hope of passing. Yes, I'm my own worst enemy. Yes, self-doubt is something I battle on a regular basis. No, it doesn't honor the Lord, but it is what it is. And I am who I am. The Lord is working on me, though...thankfully.

Today was the day I've been waiting for since January 12. Today....February 11...was the day the 'unofficial' scores would be released. Today...February 11...was the day I would register to take the test again, because I was certain I would need to.

Apparently, the Lord had other ideas. Because when I logged onto the GACE site to check my scores, one little word changed my entire perspective.

PASSED.

Yep, the screen said, 'Passed.' Not just on one part of the test, but both parts. I passed the test.

That's the shock.

No, I'm not looking for a lot of 'strokes' from people. I 'honestly' did not think I had a chance of passing this test. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Three hours I sat in that room. Three hours. Without getting up. Three hours. 120 questions. 4 essays. On a subject I hadn't studied within a classroom setting as a student.

That's the shock.

But, in the mortal words of Junior Asparagus.....God is bigger than the boogeyman. And in this case, the boogeyman was me and my negative self-talk.

That's the awe.

Yesterday in church, Dr. Minnix talked about this very thing. How we have to guard our hearts against ourselves and our sinful thoughts and desires. He may have meant more overtly sinful thoughts like lust or greed or pride, but you know what.....self-doubt is just as big a giant to overcome as these others. And I was reminded of this yesterday.

God doesn't need me. But guess what? He uses me anyway.

That's the awe.

God is Faithful to me. Even when I'm not faithful to Him.

That's the awe.

God is Gracious. And Kind. And Loving. And Forgiving. Even though I don't deserve it.

That's the awe.

Now, we move onto the next step.

School. Yikes!

But that's OK. God is clearly in all of this, because I'll be the first to tell everyone that I could NOT have done this without Him. No way. No how. It's all God. He called. I'm just answering. Am I still scared? You bet I am, but nowhere does it say that God calls the equipped. But He will equip the called and that's what I'm counting on.

He promised it and I'm believing it, because He ALWAYS keeps His promises.