I'm trying.....I really am.

Discouragement. Self-Doubt. Insecurity. These are all things I struggle with.

And things I'm convicted about.

These last several months, the Lord has taken me on an amazing journey. One of joy and blessing. One of excitement and anticipation. It was a calling. A beckoning, even. I've answered. And have felt His hands guiding me. Leading me.

But it hasn't been without its frustrations, either. Waiting. Hoping.

Nothing.

Then maybe something.... But no, it wasn't anything.

An exercise in faith. In perseverance. In trust in my Father.

And the devil doesn't like it. And he's letting me know that.

I have applied for close to 25 positions in the tri-county area. Collaborative teacher positions. Resource teacher positions. Parapro positions. I have sent emails. Letters. Packets with my resume, cover letter and great references.

I watch the job boards---several times a day. I pray each time I click 'apply.' I want to rely fully on my Lord. That He is guiding me as I seek employment as a teacher.

Nothing.

Jobs appear on the board. I apply for them. A couple of days later. They disappear. Sometimes Principals respond to my inquiry. Most of the time....they don't. They say, 'Thank you for your interest.' They tell me, 'I am currently looking through the applications and will set up interviews.'

But the call does not come.

I know I am nothing special. I know I am not as qualified as other applicants. It's not that I feel I am God's gift to Special Education, because I don't.

But God has blessed me with a heart. A heart for those who need a little extra time. For those who need more encouragement than other kids. A heart for those who struggle with school. A heart for those who aren't like everyone else.

A heart for middle schoolers.

I know my opportunity will come. God hasn't taken me this far into this journey to drop me off and say....'See ya!' He doesn't do that. I am trying to be positive. I'm trying to be upbeat. I'm trying not to be discouraged....that maybe this isn't what I'm supposed to do.

But it's hard.

Father, remove the devil and his wicked ways from me. Do not let him discourage me. Keep me focused on Your face....Your will for my life. Grant me wisdom and discernment. Courage. And strength as I continue to follow You.